Coffee and Insults
by something-like-love
Summary: Remus Lupin needs coffee. It is an accepted fact. But in the staff room which contains coffee, there is also Snape and Sinistra. And all he wanted was coffee. But really, they are so bloody obvious.


**Disclaimer: It's all JKR's, doncha know? **

**Author's Note: This just sort of... appeared from my mind. So. Random Snape/Sinistra stuff. Wooh! **

-:-

Coffee. I need coffee. Good lord, where's the coffee? They're hiding it, that's what's going on. Blasted teachers.

Or maybe I'm just being a tad on the paranoid side. It's not me, of course- the full moon is in two days, so I'm not exactly wonderful company at the moment, are I?

Focus. Must focus. Coffee. What is wrong with all the people around here? All they drink is tea and pumpkin juice. It's not normal. This staff room is evil. Evil, you hear me? Every cabinet is empty of sweet, delicious, coffee.

Damn them and their tea-drinking tendencies.

Aha! House-elf! I must get it to help me.

"You! I. Need. Coffee. _Now_."

In retrospect, maybe grabbing it by the arm and hissing in its overgrown ear wasn't the best strategy.

At least it's nodding now. And nodding. And nodding. It probably thinks that I'm going to kill it.

"Yes sirs, coffee for the nice professor!" it squeaks, and hurries away. I do feel a bit bad for frightening it.

Its back with coffee!

The feeling has passed. At least now I can have my coffee. No sugar, no milk, no cream, just plain, bitter, wonderful coffee. Ah... bliss.

"Lupin, I know you don't have a lot of self-control, but please _do_ try to refrain from _gulping_ down your coffee like that."

Snape. I knew it. Just when I became content, here comes the over-grown bat, here to suck the joy out of my life. Bloody wonderful. Just be nice. Be nice.

"Shut up and go away."

Niiiice.

And, here comes the sneer. Come on, insult, insult, think of an insult!

"It's wonderful to know you have mastered such a complex facial expression, Severus, but we all know you're scary, so try a change of face, would you?"

Hahahaha. I'm good. And he can't even think of a come back. Lupin: one. Snape: zero. Why I'm keeping such scores in my head, I don't know. Aren't things like that signs of mental disorders? Ah, well. More coffee will help, I'm sure.

There he goes, off to torture someone else for a change. In truth, I think he's still a bit miffed at me for that time in sixth year when James, Sirius, Peter, and I turned his hair pink.

It _was_ bloody funny, though. The man just holds grudges too long.

Where's he off to now? Oh, of course. Off to where Sinistra is sipping her tea. I must remember to remind her that coffee is much better. Mmm, coffee.

What's this? A scathing insult, perhaps? I can't hear. Dammit. I must move closer. Their fights are always worth seeing; its a wonder people don't start charging admission. Or maybe they do. I wouldn't put it past McGonagall.

Stealth is my name. Actually, it's Remus John Lupin, but you can't have everything in life, now can you? They haven't noticed me yet. Too busy getting ready to scream at each other. And they think no one notices. Well, _everyone_ notices their screaming. Who wouldn't notice a woman yelling, "You hygienically challenged _bastard! _Go to hell!_"_

It was quite the insult. I'll have to remember that one.

Just a tad closer and I should be able to hear them...

"You know, I don't know why you're allowed to teach children. You scare them."

Score one for Sinistra.

"At least _I_ teach. You show them stars. Oh, you should be so very proud of your life's accomplishments."

Ugh. Score for Snape.

"Shut up, you... you... oh, I can't think of a creative insult, I'm too tired. Let's just go back to bastard, shall we?"

They are so bloody obvious.

Really, they think no one notices. But I do. And so does Dumbledore, and Hagrid, and Vector... I could go on and on. The student's haven't got a clue, though, and Snape, I don't doubt, would prefer to keep it that way.

Too bad. I must remember to mention their tragic love story to the class later today. I feel it's fair payback.

"Why do you insist on annoying me every day of my life? God, Snape, just find some one else to mock senselessly!"

Why don't they just snog and get it over with? Merlin, I want to yell out, "D-E-N-I-A-L, ever heard of it?"

"Listen, Sinistra, if you don't want me around, just say so."

"I don't want you around!"

Straight to the point.

Aaaand, in about five seconds the screaming will begin. Best get out while I have my head.

"Lupin, _get out of the way."_

Nice. Nice. Nice.

"I'm sorry for taking up so much space. Pardon me for existing."

That big vein in his temple is throbbing now. It's going all purple...

That's not normal.

Oh, well. More coffee would help, I'm certain.


End file.
